Life and Loss

Along this road of life on which we are traveling, there are always ups and downs.  Sometimes it seems like they come in multiples...both the ups and the downs.  Last week was one of those weeks were things compounded.

I haven't written on this blog for a while.  It seems that first trimester exhaustion and sickness can make you re-prioritize and this blog was one of the first things to go.  Yes, we found out that we were expecting our seventh baby.  But, only seven and a half weeks in to the pregnancy, we miscarried.  The miscarriage came just a short time after loosing Peter's Grammie and kept us from being able to travel and be with family to celebrate Grammie's life.

If you have ever suffered a miscarriage, then you know just how deep the loss goes.  It is the loss of that precious child and also all that you began to dream about the coming changes to your family.  While grieving the loss, it is the desire of our family to trust our loving Father who was not surprised by this loss as we were.  He has the perfect plan for us and knows how it all will end.  Not only has He read the last chapter...He wrote the last chapter.  Each event in our lives is a part of shaping us into who we will become.  Now, we do have some choices in the process.  We cannot change life or loss, but we can choose how our hearts will respond.  Grief is a dangerous time for the heart.  It is easy for resentment to creep in disguised as grief...the proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing...and find a home.  Once at home in our hearts, resentment will most certainly grow like a vine that chokes out the beauty that was intended to be there.  It can become something that is altogether damaging to our lives...and the lives of our children.  Hebrews 12:15  "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble..."  or in the NIV "Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you...".

So, as our family walks through this time of grief and loss, we are striving to guard our hearts to refuse entrance to any resentment.  As parents, we set the tone for the kids and they follow our example.  It is our desire to trust God with the details and have open hearts and arms to receive His perfect plan for our family.  With six children here with us and three in Heaven, I can say that we are truly blessed...and we are grateful even in the midst of loosing this precious little one. 

If you are walking through a miscarriage, just know that you are not alone.  There is no one right or wrong way to grieve the loss, but guarding hearts from the growing and overpowering vine of resentment is ever so important.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

Update:

I found this beautiful audio of Michelle Duggar reading a letter that she wrote to her precious baby Jubilee Shalom who is now in Heaven and wanted to link to it here.  I feel the same way about the three babies that we have in Heaven.

If you have lost a baby before meeting face to face, here is a great, informative website.

A friend of mine sent me a message the other day to express her concern and understanding of our loss.  Something that she wrote really spoke to me and I want to share it here.  She said that these little ones who live and then leave this Earth, never to be born, were created for the pleasure and enjoyment of our Heavenly Father alone.  He created them knowing that they would live for a very short time.  What a privilege that he chose me to carry three of these little ones!