On Character and Idols

I have come to the conclusion that the older we get the more we realize our shortcomings.  I would say that I have become more wretched over time but I believe that I have always been as wretched as I am right now.  As a teen and young adult, I thought I had it pretty much together.  Ha!  I look back and laugh at my young, over-confident pride.  And, I smile when I see it in the generations after me...especially in my children:)  I know that God will work in their lives in His timing as He has mine....removing one layer at a time.

Peter and I have just completed yet another parenting study at our church.  It's just one of those areas where we want to always be learning and growing.  As we are stretched to learn more, I am realizing just how much there is to improve in my parenting skills.

We were talking in this parenting class about idols in the context of sibling conflict.  In that moment of conflict, what is the child's heart worshiping?  What is the most important thing?  What is the thing they want more than obedience to God. THAT is the idol.  We can tell where the heart is based on actions.  Simply breaking up the fight does nothing to develop character in their hearts and lives.  They are upset because something has taken that place in their hearts and lives...that place designed to be perfectly filled only by the God of this universe.  But the welling up of anger is a sure sign that God is not on his throne in their hearts.  Wow.  As I listened to the teaching, I couldn't help but think of the areas in my life that anger me...a mess to clean, a child interrupting, a job left undone by another family member.  The list goes on and on.

I am still pondering, several weeks later, the things I have placed on God's throne in my heart and life.  That perspective is the one that I need to keep...always.  If a mess is making me angry, am I worshiping the idol of laziness or comfort?  What is so important that I would become angry?  I am definitely not angry as a result of a heart that is worshiping God in that moment!

I have been making a mental list of those things and working to remove them and replace God to his rightful place in my heart.  But, it's so hard, isn't it?  I'm doing great and then all of the sudden a toddler screams in response to the teasing of an older sibling and on my way to correct the situation, I trip over shoes left out and then it happens.  That idol begins to rise in my heart.  And, unwilling to knock it off the throne, I speak angrily to a child.

It sure is easy to sit back and marvel in disgust at how the Isrealites worshiped idols.  Isn't it?  I mean, God had just set them free from the bondage of slavery and there they were worshiping idols.
But, isn't that very much what we do in our lives every day?  God has set us free from the bondage of sin and we turn right around and worship idols.  I know it's true in my life.  *sigh*

 (Picture from biblenews1.com)

It's a journey that I know will continue for many years (longer than 40 years...quite possibly forever) as God peels back layer upon layer in my life and removes idol after idol. 

So, each time that I have a talk with a child about what his/her heart is worshiping, I also search my own heart.

As parents, what kinds of idol worship have we demonstrated for our kids?  It's time to tear them down!

Living with Laryngomalacia

Laryngoma...what?

Yeah, that was my first reaction when Ransom was diagnosed by an ENT with this condition at about 2 months old in 2011.   His case was relatively mild and the noisy breathing began to subside around 6 months and now at 2 years old, is mostly gone.  I still hear it occasionally when he is concentrating on a toy or puzzle but for all intensive purposes, it is gone.

Laryngomalacia is a lazy flap near the voice box.  In most cases it is harmless but can be very scary.

What we didn't know about this condition is that it's inherited and tends to run in families.  Looking back, I believe that one of my older kids had a mild version of this as we could always feel vibrating in his back when he was breathing.  I remember friends being concerned and asking if he was congested.  Our pediatrician at the time (different from our current pedi) only said that his lungs were clear but never suggested anything else.

When Timmy began making squeaky noises around two weeks, I didn't even think of laryngomalasia as I had done little research on the condition and still didn't understand that it runs in families.  At about four weeks he was struggling.  He would have short moments of apnea at which times his nostrils would flare (a sign that I knew to signify breathing difficulty) and his little arms would flail with the startle reflex.  My pediatrician told us he probably had laryngomalacia and to get an appointment with the ENT.  But, that weekend, before we were able to get in to see the ENT, he seemed to decline.  He was exhibiting all of the above symptoms but was also retracting.  We decided to go straight to the ER.  I called our pediatrician as I was buckling Timmy into his car seat and he agreed with our decision to go to the ER.  Once at the ER, none of the doctors had heard of this condition and they were not very willing to believe me.  They wanted to administer steroids and I told them I wanted them to call our pedi first because I was pretty sure he didn't need them.  Then they grilled me about the possibility of him having an object lodged in his throat.  At times it seemed more like an interrogation.  I told them that he has been making this noise for at least two weeks so I doubt it is an object but I was willing to have an x-ray done just in case.  They then wanted to do a test for RSV.  All the while, I kept asking them if we could check out laryngomalasia as I was pretty sure this was the issue.  Well, the ENT on call did not want to come to the hospital as there was no "emergency" but none of the ER doctors were comfortable sending us home either.  So, we were admitted.  This whole process was difficult and, as a mom, I am leery of refusing any medical treatment because of the horror stories of babies being taken away...and we have seven kids...and we homeschool...and we take a postponed immunization route.  So, we aren't exactly a normal American family...haha.
The next day, the ENT came and scoped Timmy through the nasal passage and confirmed that it was laryngomalasia.  He released us to go home.
We kept Timmy on an oxygen monitor for about a week to insure his levels were staying up.  They were.  There is no risk free fix for laryngomalacia.    Surgery is an option for "failure to thrive" babies but comes with significant risks.  Even beyond the normal risks of surgery there is the risk of damaging the voice box.  Timmy is definitely not failing to thrive and we do not want to take the risks so we are waiting it out.  By six months we hope to see improvement and for him to be totally free from breathing issues by eighteen months.  Meanwhile we are having to retrain ourselves just a bit.  I have always known that when a baby or child is retracting, it's time to go to the pediatrician.  But, Timmy retracts every day of his life.  He is going to have some very strong lungs:)

We are getting just a taste of what it must be like to have a child with special needs.  Everywhere we go, people stare.  They aren't trying to be rude, but mostly I think people are concerned.  It sounds concerning!  We are often asked if he is okay and I have already grown tired of explaining so I usually just smile and say that he is fine.  I had a Costco employee ask me if Timmy has asthma and wanted to let me know that he wasn't breathing well. 
This truly has changed our lives for a season.  We no longer take him places where silence is needed like a theater.  After worship at church, I take him out to the nursing mom's room as the noise is terribly distracting to those around us.

I am learning to see parents of special needs children in a whole different light and to be grateful for the fact that six of our children did not struggle in their early months.  I am also grateful that Timmy's laryngolamacia doesn't require surgery.   I am amazed at how a trial can create such a heart of gratitude in me.  But, I think gratefulness is the thing that I have learned most during this time.  I have SO much gratitude in my heart and looking at life just a bit differently:)

I share this story in the hopes that somewhere out there in cyberland, there is some mom worried about her baby with laryngomalacia that can be comforted by knowing that others have walked this same path.  And, that this too shall pass. 

Photo session 1

This is not my family...haha.  This is one of my photography sessions.

At this stage of my life, I have time for very few hobbies.  So, over the years, the things that were lower on my priority list have fallen away.  One of the few hobbies that remains is photography.  I love taking pictures so my camera is never far away.  My kids just humor me as I snap away every chance I get.  I am learning about photography and am not a pro by far but, I take every opportunity to enjoy it!


A few months back, I did a photo shoot for a friend and her family.  This is one of those friendships that will stand the test of time...already has:)  I expect us to be having coffee one day thirty years from now and reminiscing about the days when we had a house full of little ones.


Here are some of my favorite pictures from the photo shoot with my friend Megan and her family.

 I just love these silhouette pictures...even the ones that aren't "perfect".  Each one tells a story.

I would love one like this of my family to go across the top of my blog:)

There are seven kids in this family and each one is amazing!  Here is an individual picture of each.

When taking pictures of a large family, you just have to laugh and go with the flow...

...capturing those funny moments, wiggly toddlers...

...and sweet moments too..nothing quite like a big brother!

I treasure these kids and the relationships that my kids have with them.  What a blessing children are!!

Check out this family's website for worship at holyoatmeal.com.  We use many of their songs for our family worship at home.