Parenting Without Fear

I was twenty years old and standing all by myself on a bus in Seoul, Korea.  All by myself, except for the teen girl whom I had met minutes earlier. She would be hosting me in her non-English speaking home.  As I stared out the window at the billboards that seemed to be shuffling past like a deck of undecipherable cards, fear gripped my heart. 

(Picture courtesy of http://cheberry0110.pixnet.net/blog/category/1800777)

You see, I had grown up in an extremely conservative and legalistic sub-culture of homeschoolers.  It was all that I had known and I had learned to fear.  In these legalistic groups, rules are no longer based on scripture but on an individual's interpretation of scripture.  Following all the rules can be confusing at best.   

Just before loading the plane that had carried me to this foreign land and away from everything familiar, I learned that my parent's marriage had fallen apart.  What would this mean for me...my family...my future?  Fear gripped my heart and I was now on the other side of the world by myself with my fear.  There were other team members with me in Korea...but, not this night...not in this home.  I was by myself.  I had one of those moments where I wondered, "What in the world am I doing here?"  I had no person on which to lean.  I was by myself without any security that I had ever known.  There were no parents, siblings, pastors, aunts, uncles, friends, or cousins.  I was by myself...but not alone.  As the rug of false securities was ripped out from under me, what remained was my loving heavenly Father, the one who loved me more than any other and who held my future in his hands.  He was right there next to me in that Korean bus and he was still in control.  In that moment, I surrendered all my fears to him and placed my life in his hands.  My heart was light for the burden that I shed that night.  But, oh, how we humans like to pick burdens back up and chain ourselves to fear, doubt, and anxiety.

*******Flash forward 10 years******* 

I was now happily married and mother to a growing little family.  I found myself picking back up the fear that had so crippled me.  I realized that I was making parenting decisions out of fear.  But, I was no longer slave to fear.  I had been set free.  Why was I surrendering to it of my own free will?

I mean, who really wants to be that second generation homeschool mom whose kids read Harry Potter, play video games, or eat fast food and soda instead of thr organic foods straight from the family garden, right?  So, although I had been years removed from my legalistic childhood and set free from fear, I found that I was allowing fear to find shelter in my life as I made parenting decisions based in fear.  I mean, what if my child read Harry Potter and was tragically transformed into a witch. Why, oh, why would I pick back up that ball and chain and shackle myself to it once again?  Oh, that I could have learned the lesson just once.  But, I am thankful that God is gracious, loving, and...not legalistic. 

So, today, I am finding myself challenged as I revisit the rules of our home and see which ones pass the litmus test of fear.  If I fear my child's future, how can I truly and perfectly love him?  Because, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 

I love the recent Disney movie, Frozen, because Elsa has to learn to let go of the fear that has held her captive for her entire life.  She has to choose love in place of fear.  Once she lets go of the fear she can truly love and enjoy life and those around her.   And, what a difference it makes in the lives of those around her!  What a beautiful picture of how God intends for his children to live life.   

I am enjoying, once again, the freedom and joy that come from letting go of fear and loving those little hearts that God has chosen to entrust to me.  

How do you choose love over fear?


"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."  1 John 4:7-12

Overcoming the Fear of Dyslexia

"profoundly dyslexic"

The words echoed inside my head as if everything else in life had suddenly abandoned me to this phrase.  And, the rushing title wave of fear threatened to overtake me in that moment.  As I sat listening to the reading therapist go on and on about strengths and weaknesses, appointment times and schedules, I heard little more.

"profoundly dyslexic"

I left her office feeling rather numb that November afternoon.

Dyslexia?  To my knowledge we had no dyslexia on either side of the family.  I had graduated with honors when I earned my B.S. in Education.  Peter earned a B.A. in History and went on to earn a M.A. in Government and a J.D..  I was struggling to believe that our child could have dyslexia.

But, I knew it was true.  It just made perfect sense.  We had used a strong phonics program and it hadn't worked.  I knew there was something deeper.

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I was looking for answers but this was not the answer I wanted.  I was hoping for a quick fix but it was not to be. 

It took a few days for the tears to wash away the numb feeling inside me.  Then I did what every mother would do.  I began to research how to help my child.  But, the fear still threatened to paralyze me as I wondered about the future. 

I immediately enrolled this child in intensive one on one therapy for the next six months.  It was incredibly expensive but we had just moved and were expecting a new baby soon (in addition to homeschooling three other children and corralling two preschoolers).  I knew that I would not be able to help right away.  .

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We were now on our way but I still needed my Abba Father to take away the fear and replace it with peace and hope.  He began to show me that this child was His creation.  This new diagnoses was no shock to my loving, heavenly Father:)  My child was not broken but perfectly made by a loving creator...every.single.detail...for a specific purpose.  I had to release the child that I expected and celebrate the amazing, talented person that this child is...a gifted child who has dyslexia.  Dyslexia is not something wrong.  It's everything that is right about this child.  It's what gives this child an incredibly high intellect, musical talents, artistic abilities, and technical/problem solving skills.  Watch for an upcoming post on the gifts of dyslexia:)

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Over the next months, I began researching dyslexia.  I needed to hear success stories, understand what dyslexia is, how to teach my child, and learn to celebrate this new phase of life.  So, after putting many, many hours into research, I thought I would make a list of the resources that I found helpful for anyone who is just beginning this journey.  It's a journey of celebration and not fear!  So, if your child has just been diagnosed with dyslexia, rejoice.  Your child can and will do amazing things!

 Just for fun:

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Books:
Overcoming Dyslexia by Sally Shaywitz, M.D.
Dyslexia 101 by Marianne Sunderland
Brain Integration Therapy by Diane Craft


Websites:
Susan Barton has a number of helpful videos and articles at brightsolutions for understanding dyslexia...and what it isn't.  
Dianne Craft offers helpful instruction for brain integration therapy to open blocked learning gates.  She also has some great nutritional ideas to balance kids' systems.
http://www.lexercise.com/
http://www.dys-add.com/getHelp.html#anchorOrtonSystems

Blogs:
http://www.mariannesunderland.com/

http://www.speechandlanguagekids.com/

Articles:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/04/06/150123797/spotting-dyslexia-may-be-possible-even-before-kids-learn-to-read

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/visual-attention-lead-dyslexia-children/story?id=16078380

http://kidsbookclub.tescomagazine.com/parents-zone/top-ten-tips-for-dyslexic-readers.html

http://neurosciencenews.com/dyslexia-cause-medial-geniculate-body-thalamus-malfunction/



Here are a few keys that I learned in the process.
*Dyslexia runs in families.  This means that we may see it again in other children.  All the more reason for me to become proficient at teaching according to these new methods.
*There are preschool warning signs.  This makes me happy that I can watch for them and sad that I didn't know them years ago.  I was a classroom teacher and surely missed out on helping many children because of my lack of knowledge in this area...not to mention missing it earlier in my own child.
*Dyslexia is simply a brain that processes language differently.  My child will read the word "woods" as "forest" visualizing each word before saying it when reading aloud.  That is pretty amazing!  And, it explains why the process may take a bit longer.
*Dyslexics can compensate by memorizing an amazing number of words which can mask what is going on inside.  Because of this, they can sometimes read at a higher level than where they would test.  But, when they are given nonsense words, they will not be able to sound them out using phonics.


*I received no compensation of any kind for any information in this post.  This is just me sharing:)

A Faith Like Hezekiah

Hezekiah’s Prayer:

¹⁴ Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it. Then he went up to the temple of the Lord and spread it out before the Lord. ¹⁵ And Hezekiah prayed to the Lord: “Lord, the God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. ¹⁶ Give ear, Lord, and hear; open your eyes, Lord, and see; listen to the words Sennacherib has sent to ridicule the living God. ¹⁷ “It is true, Lord, that the Assyrian kings have laid waste these nations and their lands. ¹⁸ They have thrown their gods into the fire and destroyed them, for they were not gods but only wood and stone, fashioned by human hands. ¹⁹ Now, Lord our God, deliver us from his hand, so that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that you alone, Lord, are God.”  2 Kings 19:14-19

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I recently heard a sermon on this passage.  I find it amazing and refreshing to see a king who was neither insulted nor challenged to war by the message sent him.  He was obviously concerned, but he just took it to the Lord and asked what the Lord was going to do about it.  Wow.  I would love to live out that kind of faith.  Wouldn't you?

We as Christian parents are being sent a message from the world.  A message that says that our children will rebel if we......you fill in the blank.  A message that our sons and daughters will embrace the world and turn their backs on God.  That they will not continue to follow hard after God.

How do we as parents handle that message?

I recently found myself at a blog specifically for adult homeschoolers of the 80s and 90s.  These individuals are angry at their parents and bitter because of their upbringing.  Keep in mind, that I myself was homeschooled (as was my husband).  As I read through these posts and found the names of some of my childhood friends among the comments, my heart sank.  I heard the world's message loud and clear.  If you teach your children to be different from the world, they will rise up and blog about you.  Well, that wasn't quite the message, but close:)  As I read through story after story, the message became louder and louder.  I had to take this message, lay it before the Lord, and say "Father, what are you going to do about this?".  I am confident that I am loving and raising my kids in the Lord.  I'm not perfect but I am striving to follow what the Lord has called me to do.  So, I have to give the rest to him.

Here it is Lord.  Take my anxieties and fears about my kids.  I lay them before you.  I also spread the world's message here before you.  What are you going to do with it?  Just as King Hezekiah did so many years ago, I am calling on you to deliver us from this threat.

 

While nations all around were falling prey to Sennacherib's message and being conquered, this nation was spared for many years because of the faithfulness of their leader.

Parents, take your concerns to the Lord.  Take the messages that the world would like you to believe about your children to the Lord and ask Him what He intends to do about it. 

What Time I am Afraid...

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalm 56:3 KJV

Over the years our kids have struggled with bad dreams and fear during the night.  This really came as a surprise to me as we were extremely careful about what influences we allowed in the home...and still are today.  But, most of our kids have experienced fear in a deeper way around three or four years of age.  How severe the fear and how they dealt with it was different by personality but most went through it.

I remember being up with one of my little guys after he had a scary dream about turning different colors.  At the time, I didn't realize that fear is a natural stage of child development.  Influences will exasperate the fear stage so it is important to monitor the influences but, it isn't those things alone that cause fear.  So, as our later children have reached this stage, most have experienced similar issues but, we have been better prepared deal with it and to point them to where our peace comes from...the Lord.

One child in particular was waking at night, crying, and wanting to be in our room...on a regular basis...well...every night, actually.  I want my children to feel safe and peaceful, but we all need to get good sleep as well.  After a while, I really felt the Lord prompting me to use scripture to calm and reassure.  So, I looked up verses about fear and where our security if found and helped that little one memorize the verses.  I then, posted them next to that child's bed and bought a special flashlight so the verses could be viewed when awakened during the night.  We have also used peaceful pictures that represent verses for those not reading yet, but this child was already reading at four so the verses alone worked.  We would read/quote the verses together each night when tucking in bed.  I was truly amazed.  It was a matter of days before there were no more night time fear issues.  I wish that I had taken pictures to share but it was many years ago and I had no idea that I would later blog about it...haha.

Here are some of the verses that I used.


Psalm 91:1-2 
"1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 
  2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."


Psalm 27:1
 "1 The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?"


Psalm 4:8
 "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."


Psalm 23
"1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." 


Psalm 56:3
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you." (We add "God" to the end to define "you".)


The Psalms are just full of fantastic verses of David calling out to God in moments of fear and desperation, and yet trusting God. What a great example for us to follow!

A friend of ours took some of these verses and wrote  a song for us.  This was fantastic, as Peter and I neither one have musical giftings...haha.  We could sing the verses with our sweet little one and she could watch her friend's dad singing the verses on our computer.  So, this became a regular part of our bedtime routine for a season.  Here is a link to that song.  Our friend's site is called Holy Oatmeal.  He has written some fantastic songs that we occasionally use in our family worship time.  If you are looking for songs that will help your kids memorize scripture, check out holyoatmeal.com.

I am forever grateful for those quiet promptings of the Holy Spirit as I endeavor to raise a godly generation!

Sweet dreams:)