Getting the Most out of Theme Parks...for the Large Family

As you may know, we just took our family of seven kids ages eight months to eleven years old on a trip to California. 

After the first (somewhat disappointing) day at Legoland we decided to be proactive on the two Disney days to make sure that the kids all felt like they were able to do the things or ride the rides that they really wanted.  We found that Legoland wasn't great for the large family as the older boys felt like it was for younger children.  The two babies couldn't ride anything and so were in the stroller most of the day which meant that I didn't really get to ride anything either.  Seth who was four and a half was too short for several rides as well.  These issues are probably unique to the large family but we didn't expect them and were a bit disappointed.  Here are a few pictures of the fun we had in spite of the challenges at Legoland.

Wanting to get the most out of the remaining days of our vacation, we decided to be intentional about how we spent out time.  We also wanted to know up front what the kids' expectations were so that we could fulfill them or give them a more realistic picture of what the day would be like.  Unlike Legoland, we had been to Disneyland several times and could better be prepared for how our days would go.  So here is what we did at Disney to get the most out of the time.

First, we had conversations with the older four kids to see what things were important to them (the littles had no idea what to expect and were happy with everything).  We asked about rides, shows, pictures they wanted to take, and where they wanted to have dinner.  As soon as we were in the gates, we would put in for the fast pass or two that the kids really wanted to ride.  The fast passes were incredibly helpful for saving time and making the most of our day.  Getting the the older kids' rides done first really made for a peaceful day.  They were then able to relax and enjoy the family rides like Peter Pan without worrying about getting to that ride that they just had to ride.  Peter and I took turns taking the older kids (whoever was tall enough and wanted to ride) on the big rides while the other one would focus on doing something fun that the littles wanted to do.  Here are some pictures of what the littles wanted to do.  You can tell that I spent most of my time with them as the baby would need to eat often. 

 

 

 

We would meet back up after an hour or so and plan the next thing.  In some of the between time, we were able to get plenty of fun pictures and attend a Star Wars show...one of my top priorities.  I had tried on our last visit to get some of the kids to participate in the show and they wouldn't.  This time, I just knew that our little Sethy would jump right in.  And, he and Abby were both chosen to participate.  So, that really made my day.  Here are some pictures of that show.

Coupling this with the envelope system for souvenir money diffused so much of the whining and complaining that could have been part of the day. And, in putting their wants first, we spoke love to them in a way that they could understand.  Which really is what the trip was all about.


How do you make the most of your trips?


Check out my other tips for travel here.

The Greatest of These...

Though I speak with the tongues of toddlers and teenagers, 

and have not charity, 

I become as a sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. 

(cymbal? really?...every mom knows how annoying that is!)  

 And though I have a college degree and teaching certificate,

 understand all algebra and chemistry problems,

and the effects of all historical events; 

and though I have all faith, 

so that I could remove mountains of laundry from the couch, 

teach all lessons, do science experiments and, 

and take a nature walk all before lunch, 

and have not charity, I am nothing.

And though I bestow all my goods to buy curriculum, 

and though I give my feet to be stepped on a hundred times every.single.day, 

and though I use cloth diapers and feed my kids organic peanut butter on sprouted grain bread, 

and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

Charity suffereth loooooong...twenty four hours a day and seven days a week, 

and is kind; 

charity envieth not the baby's two hour nap 

(nor the homeschool mom on a month long history field trip on the east coast);  

charity admits mistakes to the children and asks forgiveness,

 Doth not behave itself unseemly,  

seeketh not her own, 

is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

 Charity never faileth: 

but whether there be blog posts and conventions, 

they shall fail; 

whether there be legislative agendas and organization books, 

they shall cease; 

whether there be support groups and park days, 

they shall vanish away.

 For we know only what the kids confess.

 But when they are all grown up, 

then they will tell it all...haha.

 When I was a child, I spake as a child, 

I understood as a child, I thought as a child: 

but when I became a mom, I put away childish things

(except hiding the chocolate!)

 For now we see through a glass, darkly 

(probably because of the smeared peanut butter and honey); 

but then face to face...(which will be amazing to not have to bend down for every conversation)

now I know in part; but then shall I know...
yep, everything that is now outside the statute of limitations.

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; 

but the greatest of these is charity.

One of the most important parts of raising our children is loving them.  I know it sounds so very simple.  But, it's that simple.  Why is love the greatest message that we can send to our children?  Because love is the gospel.  "For God so loved the world..." John 3:16.

 Of course, there are lessons to learn and character to be taught but the greatest of these is love.  No educational philosophy, child rearing technique, co-op class, blog post, math lesson, science experiment, or chore training is as important as loving our kids in the everyday...and maybe letting go of some of those ideas that we champion...if it means winning the hearts of our children.  :)

If these things are a higher place than love, we are distorting the gospel message.  No matter how much we sacrifice for our children, if we don't communicate love in a way that they understand and fill their little tanks (even those seemingly bottomless ones...yes I have one of those too!) we are putting them at risk of rejecting the gospel.  I don't think that I would receive the gospel message of love from someone whom I wasn't sure really loved me.


So, when the laundry is piled up and the dishes are stacked in the sink, remember that those things are not the highest priority.  The greatest of these is LOVE!





*This retelling of the love chapter is my own creation and meant to bring the basic ideas found in 1 Corinthians 13 into the lives of the modern homeschool mother.  This is not meant to be an exact interpretation and not meant to offend anyone who might not like the liberties taken. 

5 Ways to Win the Hearts of Your Children

On this mission of winning the hearts of my children, I have wondered:

How can I win their hearts?

What is it that causes them to trust me with their hearts?

Is there really hope for winning the hearts of all my children?

Then I began to think about those people in my life who have won my heart.  What is it that makes me willingly trust them with my heart?  It will be the same for my children regardless of personality. As I turned to scripture to develop a plan to win their hearts here is what I found.

"He will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers,"  Malachi 4:6

It is not in my own strength that I can win the hearts of my children, but through the power of Christ working in their lives.   Through Christ alone, I can win the hearts of my children.

So, here are five ways to win the hearts of your children.


1. Listen to your children.  This sounds simple enough, right?  But, what I am talking about is more than just that.  Listen to their lengthy, detailed, lengthy, dramatic, (did I mention lengthy?) explanation of the picture that they just drew, the dream that they had last night, or the conversation that they had with a friend.  Listening to the "little things" now not only wins their hearts, but it creates a bond that will cause them to trust you with the "big things" later.  Don't the people who listen to you win your heart?  The same is true for your kids.  Listen to them.  Listen with your eyes. Listen to as much as is possible and you will win their hearts.  "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." James 1:19

2. Serve your children with joy.  Early in my parenting, I found that I was serving my children all day, every day, but, I wasn't doing it with joy.  I would complain about the amount of work (or a sigh...that is a true measure for me) and that was causing my children to pull away from me.  Who wants to be around someone who resents the work you create for them?  It became a barrier to winning their hearts.  The Lord began to challenge me in this area.  I had no idea what my lack of joyful service was doing to my kids.  Now, I try to give the "Chick-fil-a" answer.  Have you been to Chick-fil-a?  Their employees always say "my pleasure".  It really is my pleasure to serve my children...even when they are grown.  I am training myself to say "I would be happy to...".  And, you know what?  This amazing attitude of joy is contagious.  Now instead of guilt, my children are giving me their hearts and serving alongside with...well, with more joy than before...haha.  Joyfully serving your children is serving the Lord.  Serve your children with JOY and you will win their hearts.

3. Trust your children.  Doesn't it just do something to you when you know that someone truly trusts you?  So, trust your kids.  Sometimes it's painful and you may have to just turn your head and let them learn from their mistakes.  But, more often than not, they emerge triumphant, beaming with the joy of their new accomplishment.  And, you had complete confidence that they would triumph...well, in their eyes anyway:)  Trust your boys with appropriate risks.  God made them to be risk takers and they will take some risks. Each time that I trust my children, I win a little more of their hearts.  Trust your children in developmentally appropriate areas and you will win their hearts.

 (Brennan sledding down Mt. Lemon in 2008)

4. Respect your children's opinions.  Sometimes I disagree with my kids...big shock, I know.  But, respecting their (many times immature) opinions on issues and giving them a chance to stretch those wings builds their trust.  It may be as simple as what vegetable is gross or as complicated as which candidate gets the vote in the upcoming election.  But, in respecting their opinions, I am laying a foundation for future communication.  You don't have to agree with them or encourage them in immature opinions but respect them enough to let them have their own opinions.  Respect their opinions and you will win their hearts.

5. Smile at your children.  Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget to smile at your children.  A smile communicates love and adoration.  They will return that love with another piece of their hearts...and a smile too:)  This is another area that has taken training for me.  But, I am learning to give them a big smile each time I make eye contact with them.  It may make the older kids a little uncomfortable at first (it did one of mine...haha) but now that same child returns my smile (even though a little shy still) and it is a fantastic thing.  "They waited for me as for showers and drank in my words as the spring rain.  When I smiled at them, they scarcely believed it; the light of my face was precious to them.  I chose the way for them and sat as their chief; ."  Job 29:24  Smile at your children and you will win their hearts.

 (Allison with Nathan and Brennan in 2003)

I am still in the midst of this heart-winning mission but, honestly, I expect it to be a life-long mission.  Never give up.  Keep winning their hearts!

A Change of Heart

When I first began parenting, I was armed with very little experience. 

I realize this is like Bill Cosby saying "I started out as a child"...haha.  But, what is amazing is that at the time, I thought I had experience.  I had worked as a caregiver for infants, K4 teacher's aid, Montessori teacher, Nanny, camp counselor/director at multiple summer camps, children's ministry director, nursery coordinator and classroom teacher, but, none of these prepared me to shape and mold the hearts of my children.

 I had never been responsible for the hearts of children or developing character in their lives.  

Then, as I began this parenting journey, it became my job to teach this little baby that I was holding in my arms about the Lord and cultivate character and the heart of a servant leader in his life...but how?


I was strict and consistent (I only had one so it was much easier...haha) and thought that was good.  I still strive to be consistent but over the years, I have realized that gaining and keep the hearts of my children is far more important than how I get them to perform.  It is rather hard to mold and shape hearts that are hard.  I have found the most hardening elements in the hearts of my children are disciplining their behavior over their heart condition and resenting them for their sinful behavior instead of loving them through it.  I look to how my Heavenly Father loves me in spite of my sinful behavior and I strive to love my children in the same way. 

It sounds so easy...doesn't it?  

But, in the day to day grind of stress and exhaustion it can be so very difficult.  It's amazing that a small thing can be so challenging and yet so imperative in the lives of my children.  It is a small adjustment within my heart with a huge impact in their lives.  When I smile at my children, use my "kind voice", and point them to scripture they are much more pliable.

Aren't we all?  

When I stop worrying about what that lady in the line at the grocery store is thinking and focus on maintaining a right relationship with my child (and my Heavenly Father because He is loaning these little ones to me), I gain more of their hearts.  It is the heart that I am after.  If I loose their hearts, I have lost it all.


Working daily to win little hearts!

What things do you do to gain the hearts of your children?

It's just not working.

I try very hard to make things work for every member of our family.  My goal is to make our home reasonably pleasant, peaceful, organized, clean and a place that we all WANT to be.  This is a real challenge with six kids who are all home...all day...every day.  The work and messes are inevitable but there are some things that I have learned (and many more that I will learn I'm sure) that help make things work when it's just not working.

First thing in the morning is the time when I have the most work to get done in the shortest amount of time.  There are diapers to be changed, babies to get dressed, breakfast, clean up, starting laundry, and then checking on my older kids to ensure that they are getting their things done. 

I aim to get up early (between 7 and 7:30 is early for me!) and spend time in the Word and prayer as well as get myself presentable for the day BEFORE any kids are up.  Sometimes it works, sometimes I have weepy toddlers hanging on my ankles as I drink my morning water and brush my teeth...haha.  But, the latter happens most often when I hit that "start your day late" button.  I would like to start school at 9 in the morning (we are NOT early risers).  But, this takes some real focus and planning.  I found that I was having to chase after the kids and do too much correcting first thing in the morning.  It adds to my morning work and just honestly isn't a good peaceful start to our day.  It also led to me checking their morning chores on a rather random schedule and not truly holding them accountable.

So, I thought I would try bribing  rewarding our children.  I do expect my children to obey with a cheerful heart immediately but if I can get them to make a habit of this by rewarding them for a few months and avoiding all of the fussing and discipline then I am all for that.  Games and rewards are fun for everyone. I hope to do more training than discipline...it's so much more fun.  I have not always felt this way but it is something that the Lord has laid on my heart in the last few years as I am working to gain the hearts of my children...and it is hard work for me.  It comes natural for some but for me I have to work hard and stay focused on the goal. 

I thought that if they get up, get dressed, make their beds, pick up their rooms, do their morning chore, eat breakfast, and are sitting on the couch ready to begin school by 9 am without me having to tell them a thing...that deserves a reward!!  My 10, 9, 7, and 5 year olds can all do this.  It's amazing!  If the reward falls within their currency, they will do amazing things to get that reward. 

I made a quick chart (which I can't post here without embarrassing some of my kids...so I won't) to keep track of who earns a reward each morning and put it on the side of the fridge.  Then, at 9 am EVERY morning, I trek back up the stairs and check all rooms and chores.  Accountability is key for my kids.  If they are not ready by 9, we still start school anyway but they have to use their "free time" later to complete whatever wasn't done yet...and no reward.

So far, I have had peaceful mornings and many mornings most of the kids are sitting on the couch ready at 9 am.  Why didn't I do this sooner?  haha.  It's wonderful.  Now, our mornings can be more peaceful...I love peaceful!

What do you do to get your kids up and ready for school in the mornings? 

The Heart of the Matter

Today I really want to share a quote that came to me via email some time ago from a former pastor who still speaks into our lives.  I have shared it before on facebook but wanted to have it here on my blog as well.

I believe that this is such an important and yet easily missed truth in the busyness of raising kids.  It is the number one parenting issue that the Lord has put on my heart lately.  I am striving to learn and win the heart of my little ones. 

"People tend to embrace the teaching and beliefs of those who love them the most. And your children are no different. They are much more likely to accept the truth you teach if you deliver it to them within a loving, heart-to-heart relationship. Whoever has their heart has their ears. . . .

 Dr. S.M. Davis wisely explains it like this: “The key ingredient in raising good children is to get their hearts early, keep their hearts, and be extremely vigilant not to lose your children’s hearts. If you do lose your child’s heart, then quickly  find out where and when you lost it, and put into action a plan to get their heart back no matter what it takes to do it. No matter how much time or trouble or money it takes to get back your child’s heart, you must decide ahead of time that you will be willing to pay the price.” . . . .

Despite this, fathers (and I will add mothers too) are notorious for doing things that anger their children and lose their hearts. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” Before telling us to train and instruct our children, we are warned not to frustrate or embitter them. Why?

Because if we lose their hearts, we lose everything. They simply won’t listen to us. This is so important that if it is not heeded, fathering will fail.

There you have it . . . a healthy challenge to all of us . . . So . . . what is the Lord telling you to do in response?"

I really need to read this about once a week to help me stay focused on the long term goal of raising my children.  So many little things just really don't matter when you are focused on the end result.

I hope this will bless, encourage, and challenge you as much as it did me.

Happy heart hunting:) 

Goodbye "Not me"

I have always been an organizer.  Even as a child, I enjoyed organizing...I know!  

My mom recognized this talent (or possibly curse...haha) and allowed me to organize around the house.  Now that I am a mom, I understand that she was giving up having things organized "her way".  She used to say "A place for everything, and everything in it's place".  But, she let me decide the "place" for many things in our home.

As a classroom teacher, I kept my classroom and supplies organized and enjoyed working in an environment where everything was in it's place.  Each year I had a student or two who enjoyed organizing and could delegate some of the organizing.

Now, that I am home with my six children...and homeschooling, it is a whole new ballgame!  Before...I could organize and then enjoy how peaceful things looked.  Now, I organized...say...the changing table, and return five minutes later to find every diaper, soaker, liner, and wipe strewn about the room.  So, I have had to adjust...and learn a few things over the last decade.  

The first thing that I learned is to let things go!  That has actually been the hardest (by far!) and yet the most important lesson of all.  It's alright if "everything isn't in it's place" (and my mom quite agrees! haha).  It is more important to spend time with my children...educating them, enjoying them, and working to win their little hearts than to have that perfectly organized home.

The second thing that I have learned is to allow things to be put away and organized in a way different than how I would do it.  The kids learn a great deal from trial and error and sometimes they come up with more efficient ideas than me!  It isn't always as neat and tidy as I like, but they will get there with time.  I focus on praising them for their efforts and know that maturity will bring about better results...I can already see it in my older ones!

The third thing that I have learned is how to efficiently organize and require the kids to be responsible to clean up behind themselves...and recently we have adding "going the extra mile" by serving someone else.

(*I will explain more on this later.)

As the kids have grown old enough to do things for themselves, it is amazing how many towels, dishes, and toys seem to jump out all by themselves.  I remember a Family Circus cartoon with a translucent figure labeled "Not me" making the messes and noises as each child was saying "not me".  Here are a few of the cartoons if you didn't grow up enjoying these fabulous cartoons.

Bil Keane passed away a few months ago, but his artwork will forever be a part of American culture.  These cartoons were my earliest introduction to the large family (at least I thought it was a large family back then...haha!).  I love the Bil Keane quote in the NY Times article linked above.  “Everything that’s happened in the strip has happened to me,” he once said. “That’s why I have all this white hair.”   

 I love it!  I think most of them have happened to me as well:)

 Well, "Not me" had taken up residence in our home:)  

So, here is what we have done over the years to help things run more efficiently and be more organized (and cut down on squabbling too!).  We are color coded.  I started color coding when I had two toddlers who would fight over sippy cups.  I couldn't expect them to recognize their name (or even look for it at one and two) but with color coding and a little reinforcement, they knew what was theirs.

Now, we have color coded so much more. They all know their colors...even little Sethy.  As a matter of fact, Seth doesn't know the correct name for colors.  He calls colors by the name of the kid who has that color.  So, if you hold up something green and ask him what color it is, he will say "Brennan"...haha!

We color coded the water cups that sit on the counter next to the refrigerator for quick and easy access.  This cuts down on the number of dishes we have to wash each day.  At the end of the day, there are only five kids cups to wash.  Here is a picture of the kid's water cups.  I bet you can guess who has the pink cup:)

We have color coded the dishes.  This is SO helpful.  I can set the table and each child will sit by their color.  I can separate particular kids who do better apart and individualize their plates according to what I know each likes.  By this I mean leaving cheese off or putting pepper on...not cooking a different food for each:)  I can also tell right away, who didn't clear their dishes from the table.  
Take that..."Not me"!

*Recently, we have added in serving another family member in addition to cleaning up behind ourselves.  This means that as they clean up their own things, they also clean up one or more things that belong to someone else.  In our home there are little ones who can't clean up all of their own things so, we are all learning to serve each other...learning:)

A friend of mine told me one day how she had found this really cute shower curtain with a world map on it and lots of colors and how she had bought each child a different color towel to match the curtain.  

Ah ha.  I love it!  

So, I found a shower curtain...possibly the exact same one (yes, I do copycat what I see and like) with a map and amazingly enough it had all of our colors on it.  So, each child now has a towel in their own color.  Now, "Not me" can't leave bathroom towels or washcloths lying around. 

(The lighting is bad here and Abby's towel looks red but it is actually a hot pink.)

Now, being a homeschool mom, I decided to color code our school things as well.  It is amazing.  No more squabbling over who stole whose pencil.  It is obvious whose pencil it is and we don't need a judge and jury to get the verdict.  Here is a picture of the three older kids' school supplies.  I wasn't able to find a few items in pink for Abby so we filled in with purple for the time being.  The boys won't touch her pink/purple things with a ten foot pole!  Haha.

We have also color coded our daily schedule.  You can see more about this on a previous post by clicking here.  It is so much easier for the kids to check independently.

So, that is how we rid our house of "Not me"...well...in some areas anyway:)  So much more organized and peaceful without him!

What things have you done to shew "Not me" out the door?